


Five Times Crowley Delivered Delivered and One Time He Just Handed It Over

by Quefish



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: 5+1 Things, Birth of Betty White, Birth of Genghis Khan, Birth of Jesus, Crowley Delivered the Antichrist, Crowley Doesn't Understand Where Babies Come From, Crowley Loves The Golden Girls, Crowley is a good person, Gen, Genderfluid Crowley (Good Omens), Midwifery, Unicorns, crowley is oblivious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:53:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28278705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quefish/pseuds/Quefish
Summary: Five times that Crowley played midwife, and one time he played courier.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley & Eve (Good Omens)
Comments: 19
Kudos: 44





	Five Times Crowley Delivered Delivered and One Time He Just Handed It Over

**Not long after an untimely eviction from Eden**

~~~

Crawly kept his distance, watching the humans. Aziraphale had said Eve was ‘expecting’ already. What was she expecting? 

“Probably expecting to not be evicted over a bite of fruit. S’what I’d expect in her place.” Crawly followed them as they found shelter, and watched them for days, weeks or longer. He watched them find food, keep shelter, keep company. 

“Can’t be doing too badly on finding food, Eve’s getting bigger every day.” 

He watched as Adam left for a few days at a time, making her stay safe in their shelter, as he looked for food, or anything else he could find. 

Crawly heard the pained grunts and cries and hurried to where he was sure some creature had found Eve and was attacking her. Adam was away again, and Crawly did like her, she was so inquisitive and clever. What he found was Eve, on her own, crying out in pain. 

He looked around, hoping Adam was near, but he’d seen him set off just that morning, and likely wouldn’t be back until the next sunset. He looked for the angel, certainly he would help, if he heard her crying. But there was no angel either. 

He knelt close and she grabbed his arm, squeezing it and his eyes widened. He thought that humans weren’t as strong as angels and demons, but he was apparently wrong. He held her hand and made what he hoped were calming sounds, all while looking for anyone to take his place. 

Crawly was taken aback at the nature of her pain. It seemed to come and go, all through the night, until it reached a crescendo and she pushed him toward her feet. He assumed he’d overstayed his welcome and started to leave, but Eve was fast and strong and pulled him back, pointing to a spot between her feet. He sat there, eyes wide and curious, as she suddenly brought her feet beneath her and gripped his shoulder for balance. He watched her face, her teeth clenched, eyes screwed shut, a deep growl in her chest. Her stomach had been moving, and now it moved even more right in front of his eyes. 

Yellow eyes blinked in shock as something started coming out of Eve’s body, and he instinctively reached to catch it. He could barely hear as Eve’s yell reached top volume he was so engrossed in watching what looked like … well, he had no idea what it looked like. It came free in a warm gush and Eve’s grip faltered as she fell to the ground, panting.

Crawly saw that it almost looked like Adam did, only quite smaller, and slimy. The thing opened its mouth and cried out. Eve grabbed for it and Crawly gently helped her take hold of it and then … attached it? To her body? He looked at her, confused and stupefied at what happened. 

Eve reached out and took his hand, gentler this time, and smiled tiredly as she made quiet sounds of thanks. Crawly smiled back and backed away as her eyes became heavy. 

He watched as Eve wrapped her arms around whatever it was and fell into a light sleep. 

“Well, that was a thing.”

~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~

**A few years before a certain ark’s construction began**

~~~

Crawly came into a clearing hearing a huffing neigh. There were two unicorns, one lying on its side, and the other pacing nearby. He came closer and held his hands palms open; the standing creature turned its attention on him. 

Crawly looked between them and watched the one on the ground come up to its feet briefly, and turning before lying down again. It looked like it just couldn’t get comfortable, and with all of the movement in its stomach, Crawly could see why. He knew what it meant these days, he’d seen a number of births in his years on Earth by now. This one seemed to be bothersome, though.

“I can help.” He had no idea if creatures could understand him, sometimes they did, and sometimes they didn’t. Some were skittish on account of the whole demon thing. He chanced a step closer and the standing unicorn stopped pacing, watching him closely. 

Crawly went down to his hands and knees, maybe making himself smaller would make them feel safer? He couldn’t tell if it made a difference at all, but they allowed him to get closer. He saw something poking out of the mare’s body, and reached out. The one standing hoofed at the ground restlessly, but not aggressively.

The hooves came further out of the mare, followed by a snout that then disappeared again. The standing one hoofed again, and it felt to Crawly that the mate didn’t like that at all. He’d seen shepherds help animals before, hopefully this wouldn’t be much different. 

He grabbed the legs just above the hooves with both hands and when they moved, pushed by the mare, he pulled. He worked with her rhythm until the snout appeared again and this time stayed out. There was an odd, thick covering over it, and it was moving in and out quickly. He reached out and tried to pull it away, but it just broke in his hands, soaking him. The male stopped hoofing at that and came closer.

Crowley continued to pull as the mare pushed until he was rewarded with an arm and lap full of a very slimy unicorn foal. The horn on its head was barely a bump longer than its ear, but Crowley knew it would grow as the foal aged. The mare shifted to bump snouts with her foal and Crawly got out from under it to leave them be. The male came over and nuzzled into his face before going to lay with his mate and newborn. 

Crawly left the clearing, but sat and watched them for a few hours, marveling.

~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~

**About 6 AD**

~~~

“You can’t be here. This is about to be a center of activity and you will be spotted and smote for sure!”

“I am pretty sure almost everyone on your side is a lot busier than you realize. And they wouldn’t dare sully this event with a smiting. Would be bad luck.” Crawly grinned as he watched the couple settle in the servant’s quarters, their relative’s house being full in the guest area. The animals had been brought in from the cold, but they were a bit away from where the humans were resting. “When’s this supposed to start anyway?”

Aziraphale had opened his mouth to answer when the sounds of pained groaning reached their ears. “I suppose that answers that question.”

Crawly nodded and looked around. “Shouldn’t there be, I dunno, someone to help her? Joseph isn’t exactly in the business of birthing, he’s a carpenter!”

Aziraphale nodded. “There should be a midwife, I’d assume. But perhaps she was delayed? From what little I’ve seen of births, this could take a while, hopefully there is time to wait.” 

Crawly and Aziraphale waited, watching Mary’s struggles and noticing that there was still no midwife. Crawly wondered how no one upstairs had heard her and come to help. He noticed that her pains were faster and looked at Aziraphale. 

“I think it’s time to stop waiting for a midwife, Aziraphale.”

Aziraphale whispered frantically. “Well, what do you expect me to do about it?! I can’t very well go in there, gain their trust, trick them into allowing me to help, and then help her give birth, that would be dishonest!”

Crawly looked at him closely. “You’re right, it would. Good thing the honest route doesn’t hold me back.”

Aziraphale attempted to grab Crawly as he quickly left their hiding spot, changing his robes and form as he went. Aziraphale hissed at him angrily to come back, but Crawly waved him off and went inside. 

Aziraphale watched anxiously as Crawly stepped closer, quietly and calmly, and spoke to the humans. Joseph eagerly nodded his head, holding Mary’s hand. Mary looked slightly more hesitant and even looked as though she may argue until another pain streaked through her abdomen. Crawly patted her hand and knelt beside her, speaking again, but Aziraphale wasn’t close enough to hear.

Joseph patted her head with a cloth as she looked at Crawly, exhausted, and nodded. Crawly patted her hand again and helped her position better, kneeling at her feet. Together, it was not much longer before Crawly was handing the girl her baby, and patting her hand again. 

Crawly spoke closely to Joseph, and stroked Mary’s hair before looking down and placing a hand gently on the baby’s back. Aziraphale nearly moved from his spot, suspicious, but Crawly seemed to sense that Aziraphale was restless and, bowing, left the rooms, and returned to his side. 

Aziraphale opened his mouth, but realized quickly that he could think of nothing to say. He closed his mouth and resumed his vigil, with Crawly at his side. Eventually, other humans started showing up, having been given direction from angels. 

Crawly turned to Aziraphale and smiled softly. “I think that’s my cue to leave. I’ll see you around, Aziraphale.”

~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~

**Sometime in the mid 12th century**

~~~

Crowley had no idea what he was doing here. There was not one reason he could come up with why Hell would have sent him to this middle-of-nowhere place. Well, could be worse, he supposed. There were people, just not the bustling crowdedness he was used to. He knew his assignment, but again, he couldn’t think of any reason why it mattered and he was not keen to linger. 

“Make sure the kid is born, great things ahead … not sure I want to know what that means.” He was miserable. He hadn’t been in the East often enough to pick up the language yet, so was reduced to simple words and hand gestures which were often misunderstood. He sat in a common area, a bit of open space meant for gathering in the middle of the tribe’s land. He received a number of suspicious looks, expectedly, he was definitely a foreigner. 

He’d been keeping an eye on one dwelling in particular, and listened carefully for the now familiar sounds of childbirth. Crowley flushed and kicked the dirt, embarrassed as he always inevitably became when he remembered Aziraphale’s amused explanation of how reproduction worked some years ago. But how was he supposed to know, the only time he’d really been paying attention, when all of the occult and ethereal world had been paying attention, God Themself had done the impregnating.

Messy business if you asked him. Both how it started and how it ended. It often took ages to get that feeling off his hands, and it never seemed to come out of his clothing. 

There were two pops and a scent of sulfur, the familiar tingle of magic behind him. “What do you want, doing my job, aren’t I?”

“All hail Satan. There’s been a change in plans.” Hastur’s graveled voice grated on Crowley despite it being the first spoken words he’d really understood in months. “Upstairs have been watching, and the midwife has been detained for some reason.”

Crowley groaned. “Do I need to find another one, or are we calling it a wash?”

“No washing here, clean things sicken me.” Crowley rolled his eyes that Ligur would never be able to keep up with him, verbally. “No, you’ll need to step in. Too much has been done to ensure the child’s purpose.” 

“Alright, got it.” 

“Do you need instructions on-?”

“‘Course not, done it before.”

“Have you? When?” Ligur looked at him suspiciously.

Crowley made a noise as he thought quickly. “A few times over the years. A few in Egypt in the Pharaoh's palace. You know, times when it was important.” Crowley actually had been in Egypt a number of times, but never helping birth babies, no one was likely to check anyway.

Ligur’s eyes narrowed and he grunted. 

“Yeah, well if that’s it, I’d better go. Things to do if they’ll let me near a birthing mother in this area.” Crowley stood up and started walking, waiting for that tingle indicating he was alone again. He stopped and ducked to the side, changing his clothing to something he’d seen the women wearing.

Crowley wasted no time, maybe if he could sprinkle a little miracle, he could speed up the birth so he could get back to the West. He made his way into the dwelling, a small obfuscation going a long way to working his way next to the mother. She was resting comfortably, her labor not started yet, she probably wasn’t due for another week or more, but Crowley wasn’t very bothered by that. A small miracle flowed through his fingertips as he touched her abdomen and kicked off her labor. 

Some time later, the baby was coming out, and Crowley cleaned it with a soft cloth before handing it to the mother. He had to pry the baby’s hand open where he found a blood clot clenched in the fist. His eyes went wide at wondering what kind of portend this was. It was too early for the Antichrist, that shouldn’t be for another thousand years, give or take. But this didn’t bode well either. 

He made his exit, hearing the mother babbling. He recognized a few of the words. “Heaven”, “work”, and oddly, “wolf”. 

He shook his head worriedly, “I’m not sure it is Heaven’s work he’ll be doing.”

~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~

**January, 1922**

~~~

Crowley had been enjoying sowing a bit of discord here and there as he traveled North America. After his spat with Aziraphale, he didn’t want to chance running into him any time soon, so he’d left the area, sure that Aziraphale would never do so. He was bored and lonely and snippy and just wanted a sliver of joy in his life. One that didn’t come from a job well done … or badly done … or something like that.

He ended up in Illinois and was seriously considering heading back to London when he felt drawn somewhere. He followed his gut, not taking notice of any doors or buildings, just walking. He found himself next to a kind looking woman very round with child, and very ready to give birth. He made a quick change and offered his services. 

A small baby girl was born and he showed the mother before stepping away to clean her. She had blue eyes, as most babies did, but there was an extra little spark. He smiled down at her as he cleaned off the goo that no miracle could get rid of properly; he knew, he’d tried. “You are going to be pretty amazing, aren’t you? Actually, I’ll tell you what … “

Crowley glanced over his shoulder where the father was smiling and patting the mother’s forehead as she smiled, exhausted, and sure that he wasn’t being watched, let a little glow infuse his fingertips as he finished cleaning her. “You are going to be such a joy. For a very long time, and I can’t wait. I’ve been miserable for decades, and I need some happiness.”

He handed the child over to the parents with a smile. “Take good care of this little one, she is destined to bring smiles to the world.” 

The parents smiled, agreeing with Crowley the way all parents do when told about the joy their child will bring. Crowley slipped out unnoticed.

He continued his travels for another ten years before returning to London. But he always kept an eye on the little girl in Illinois, waiting to see what his small miracle would do.

Every so often over the next 30 or 40 years, he’d turn on the television and see her entertaining the masses and he’d smile along. He’d lost track of her a few times, not because she’d disappeared so much as he lost track of time, but one night, in the mid 80s, he noticed her again. 

~~

“Do you fancy a spot of dessert, Crowley?” Aziraphale and Crowley were sitting in the park, discussing updates to the Arrangement, making sure all of their paperwork was caught up. “It’s only half seven, I’m sure the small restaurant down the way will be open and they have a delightful-”

“Sorry, I can’t tonight, I have a thing.”

“Crowley, I only ask in case there is something I need to know.” Aziraphale looked at Crowley in a way he likely thought was stern. “It hasn’t escaped my notice that you have had ‘a thing’, as you put it, on a regular basis. Always at the same time every week. Is there something I should be prepared for?”

Crowley looked at him, a smart reply prepared, but found that in this case, he wasn’t keen to use it. “No, nothing nefarious. It’s more of a self-imposed obligation that I don’t want to miss. Nothing to worry about.”

Aziraphale peered at him a moment before nodding and standing up to leave. “Well, alright, then. I hope it is at least enjoyable for you.”

Crowley grinned and followed suit. “Yup. Decades in the making.” 

They parted ways, each heading to their own sanctuary. 

Crowley arrived back at his flat and poured himself a drink and got a small bowl of snacks before settling on his sofa and turning on the television. He was ready for the favorite part of his week that didn’t include spending time with Aziraphale.

Little Betty was much older now, but she still had that sparkle in her blue eyes that he remembered when she was born. He sat down to watch her newest offering to the world, and enjoyed every second. Shockingly, he even found some of the issues she and her three friends faced relatable, which for something human to feel that way was impressive to say the least. Their shenanigans were a guarantee to make him laugh.

Crowley watched until the show came to an end years later, but continued to keep an eye out for her. He was thrilled when she became popular again years later. Of anyone else ever in history, she was the one human he truly loved as the friend he never had.

~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~

**A dark night in a graveyard**

~~~

Crowley carried the basket back to his car, doing math in his head, barely seemed possible that it was already time for the Antichrist to appear. He put the basket in the back seat and started driving, bitching the whole way. 

After his brief conversation with Satan, he arrived at the convent and pulled the basket out of the car. 

_”At least I wasn’t there for the birth … all told, I did get the easy job._ ” He dangled the basket on his fingers and listened to the nun’s silly nonsense before finally making his leave. 

~~

“You’re sure it was the Antichrist?”

“I should know, I delivered the baby.” Aziraphale’s eyebrows raised in surprise and Crowley realized his mistake. Aziraphale knew that Crowley was actually a rather skilled midwife after all, it was an understandable assumption. Best clear that up. “Well, not delivered delivered, just handed it over.”

He shuddered slightly at the visual of being the one delivering Satan’s child. Who was the mother, was Satan in attendance making sure everything went well? Yeah, better that he wasn’t called for that. Given a choice, handing over a basket in the middle of the night was definitely the better option.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed, please let me know what you think!
> 
> I watched more videos that I had anticipated on horse births, and saw a few that were 'difficult' wherein the humans assisted in this way. And in smaller ponies, apparently the amniotic sac can sometimes be so thick that the foal can't break it, and a human will break it as soon as the snout appears since the foal should be breathing by then.
> 
> Yes, legend says that Genghis Khan was born clutching a blood clot, his first ancestor was a white wolf, and he was sent from heaven for glorious purpose. 
> 
> The rest was made up :D
> 
> Feel free to come visit me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Quefish77) or [Tumblr](https://quefish77.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
